Saturday 10th February
Mates’ rates in the UK, hazy days in the US, and single vision in El Salvador
10 UK / Rish decision
A man who sees spreadsheets where others see people, PM Rishi Sunak went on telly to admit his pledge to cut NHS waiting lists wouldn’t be met by the next election. In a politically risky move, depending on your empathy levels, the Rishinator laid the blame on the striking doctors and nurses who work long hours in awful conditions to make voters better. Anyway, having done his best to avert that trap, the cashmere-clad naïf laid himself another one – in particularly crass style (Piers Morgan; sine qua non) – by wagering a grand he’d get deportation planes taking off for Rwanda before the country goes to the polls. As the Green party’s Caroline Lucas put it: “These are people’s lives they’re gambling over. Yet Sunak thinks nothing of casually agreeing to a £1k bet.” After all, what’s the cost of a cosy cardie between friends?
09 US / Old standard 🪐
Special Counsel Robert Hur ruled that Prez Biden was too confused to stand trial over his mishandling of classified documents, prompting Republicans (and plenty of Democrats) to ask if he’s also too confused to stand for re-election. Calling Prez Macron “Mitterrand from Germany” (that’s the FRENCH leader who died in 1996); confusing Angela Merkel with Helmut Kohl (also dead, and a man); and recognising Egypt’s Abdel Fattah El-Sisi as prez of Mexico – all in the space of a week – probably didn’t help his case. It’s true Biden’s cabinet could deploy the 25th amendment to vote him out – but who would replace him? As Trump powers through the primaries with his own special brand of make-believe madness, it looks like, either way, the world’s most powerful country is set to be ruled by a pensioner on another planet.
08 EL SALVADOR / Party for one 🗳️
“Why discard the path if it’s working?” Nayib Bukele asked ahead of an unconstitutional run for a second term as prez, which he won. The landslide victory was largely down to a crackdown on crime that’s seen 8% of the young male population locked up – some for the flimsiest of reasons. But no matter: “We lived through 50 horrible years of wars and killings and everything has changed,” 70-year-old voter Ana Rodríguez explained. That said, not everyone’s convinced by the new one-party police state; in a poll, 63% admitted to “being more careful” when giving a political opinion. With a third term already being discussed, where will it all end?
07 UKRAINE / Bar quality 🌟
Prezelensky dismissed Valery Zaluzhny, his popular military commander-in-chief, on the grounds that the top brass needed a bit of a reshuffle. The prez has changed tack since the start of the invasion, when he said life was more important than territory, to concentrate on recapturing every inch of occupied land. But since this is looking increasingly unlikely, something – someone – had to give. A former leading man, Zelensky knows there can’t be two stars taking top billing, and firing the competition could be the opportunity he needs to steal back focus and reframe the war.
06 MEXICO / Stone the crows 🐘
A 55-year-old elephant who got ill and stopped eating was given CBD – the active compound in cannabis – to encourage the munchies. And it wasn’t only her appetite that returned; Nidia also rediscovered her lust for life: “She was always known as the grumpy one – she used to kick doors,” ICAN Vets’ Dr Mish Castillo said. But: “Within the first week to 10 days of her treatment, she started coming out of her enclosure quicker and was in less of a bad mood.” CBD is increasingly used to treat sick animals.
05 WORLD / Death blow
Climate change is making hurricanes so strong that Michael Wehner from the Lawrence Berkeley National Laboratory reckons the current 1-5 scale no longer cuts it. In Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, the scientist has proposed a new category SIX classification for storms with winds of 192mph or more. “192mph is probably faster than most Ferraris, it’s hard to even imagine,” he said, revving up.
04 ISRAEL / Slim shady ⛱️
Scientists at the Technion-Israel Institute of Technology are hoping to raise $20mn for a prototype space parasol they reckon could block enough sunrays to cool Earth by 1.5°C. The real brolly would have to be the size of Argentina and would cost trillions – a bill “for the world to pick up, not a single country”, Dr Yoram Rozen said.
03 SENEGAL / Vote smote ❌
Not yet ready to return to civilian life, Prez Macky Sall postponed the national vote to elect his replacement. “For the first time in its history, Senegal has just suffered a coup d’état,” Amnesty International’s Ousmane Diallo Xed.
02 GERMANY / Deaf ears 👂
A crowd watched avant-garde composer John Cage’s ‘As Slow as Possible’ change chord for the first time in two years. The 639-year-long piece will finish in 2640.
01 FRANCE / Cheesed off 🧀
Industrial production has put Brie and Camembert at risk of extinction.
Make-it-into-a-tea-towel of the week: like it or loathe it 📚
The growing use of “like” in books, according to Google:
Number of the week: god squad ⛪
40
Asylum-seekers on the Bibby Stockholm barge converting to Christianity.
Quote of note: who said…? 🎤
“I would say that everyone starts as a leftie and then wakes up at some point after you start either making money, working, trying to run a business, trying to buy a home, and then realise what crap ideas they all are. And then you go to the right.”
(a) Erstwhile actress and current squillionaire Holly Valance.
(b) Erstwhile politician and current Meta stooge Nick Clegg.
(c) Erstwhile public prosecutor and likely next PM Keir Starmer.
Find the answer here.
Stat of the week: court in the act ⚖️
99%
Share of suspected criminals in China found guilty at trial.
Image of the week: blade runner 🌿
A winning entry in the International Garden Photographer of the Year competition, shot by Fernando Avanka: