Saturday 24th February 2024
Playing risk in Russia, turning the page in the Middle East, and a one-way system in Indonesia
10 RUSSIA / Spaced out
Based mostly on the multiple rentals of classic Bond caper Moonraker at the Kremlin branch of Blockbuster, US intelligence warned that, should Vlad the Bad decide to launch a nuclear weapon into orbit, it would probably be this year. They reckon he’d use it to take out satellites (thus preventing a nuclear reprisal) rather than anything on Earth, or to deter the West from conflict. In case the wannabe warlord had any doubts, the UK revealed the test launch of a fancy Trident missile failed (again). Elsewhere, the wife of murdered activist Alexei Navalny picked up where her husband left off: “I ask you to share my rage – to share my rage, anger and hatred of those who have dared to kill our future,” she said. Navalny’s mum, after finally being allowed to see her son’s body, said Moscow pressured her to bury him in secret.
09 ISRAEL-GAZA / Page boy 🖨️
PM Benjamin Netanyahu cranked up the Epson to release a doc on what to do with Gaza “the day after Hamas” – although he doesn’t say when that day is. The one-pager states the terrorist organisation must be destroyed, after which the Strip will be run by “local officials” – although he doesn’t say who they are. And that it’ll require ‘‘complete demilitarisation… beyond what is required for the needs of maintaining public order”, including a buffer zone – although this contradicts the Biden administration’s wish that the territory does not become smaller. Meanwhile, over at the border with Lebanon, foreign minister Israel Katz asked the UN security council to do something about Hezbollah’s penchant for stockpiling Iranian weapons.
08 INDONESIA / Mine all mine 🎖️
Now the presidency for the world’s third-largest democracy has been won by Prabowo Subianto, an ex-general with a strict approach to government, should people worry about slipping into an autocracy? Marcus Mietzner from the Australian National University reckons not: “Indonesian democracy is now weak enough that Prabowo doesn’t need to completely overturn it,” he said. How Subianto manages the planet’s largest coal exporter – which also has vast reserves of nickel, great for batteries – is likely to have global implications on climate change. Authorities said the single-day election cost 71 exhausted vote-counters their lives.
07 CHINA / Electric screams 🚗
Forget nukes: the real threat to the Western world order is on four wheels, according to (Western) cybersecurity experts, who warn that hyper-connected electric vehicles could be remotely programmed for far worse than a trip to Whole Foods. “If control resides with a foreign authority, what confidence do you have?” Oxford Uni’s Nigel Shadbolt asked. Teslas are already banned from sensitive locations in China – but no such rules exist in the EU and the UK; now that Chinese automaker BYD is on the cusp on being able to ship 64,000 vehicles in one go, it’s probably no wonder Renault boss Luca de Meo has asked for them to be banned.
06 FRANCE / Info bores 💻
Foreign-disinformation watchdog Viginum revealed that a network of dormant Russian websites was being dusted off for a monumental crap-spreading campaign ahead of the run-up to the European elections. France and its hard-right presidential hopeful Marine Le Pen are of particular interest when it comes to Russian ambitions, as well as fellow “Weimar triangle” members Germany and Poland. “We are in a moment of vulnerability,” French foreign minister Stéphane Séjourné warned.
05 MYANMAR / Leave it
With the armed forces smarting after a string of defeats by rebel groups, the confused generals scrambling to control the war-torn country have introduced its first draft. They want to conscript 5,000 young people a month – but the yoof is having other ideas, most notably: Thailand. “While wounded and increasingly desperate, the Myanmar military junta remains extremely dangerous,” the UN’s Tom Andrews said.
04 SWEDEN / Home gun 🪖
Applications to the Nordic version of Dad’s Army have grown 619% in a year, with 30,000 trying to sign up to a force that was only 23,000-strong in the first place. “Fifteen years ago, many people viewed the Home Guard as a hobby,” current recruit Alexander Raaum said. “Now they realise that it’s a crucial part of our security.”
03 AUSTRALIA / Brief encounter 👙
An equestrian and three-time Olympic medallist was temporarily banned from competing after wearing a mankini to the Wallaby Hill Extravaganza. “I’ve never worn a G-string before, and I can’t recommend it to anyone,” Shane Rose said.
02 UK / Language carrier 📽️
German-language Holocaust movie The Zone of Interest celebrated two wins – and a first – at the BAFTAs: it got both best British film and, er, best film not in English.
01 JAPAN / Squeal deal 🐽
Moving on from pissy cat cafés, the MiPig chain is offering porcine petting instead.
Make-it-into-a-tea-towel of the week: flat ‘mare 🛏️
The costliest places to rent a pad, according to The Economist:
Number of the week: hammered home 🍺
546
Words for “drunk” in British English, according to German linguists.
Quote of note: who said…? 🎤
“I’m not sure that our future king should be doing this. He should stick to the BAFTAs.”
(a) Stealth PM Nigel Farage on Prince William’s Israel-Gaza statement.
(b) Political gobshite Nigel Farage on Prince William’s planned IACGMOOH appearance.
(c) Princess Di’s ghost on writer Peter Morgan’s final series of The Crown.
Find the answer here.
Stat of the week: tough love 🪆
85%
Vlad the Bad’s approval rating, according to The Telegraph.
Video of the week: pattern of behaviour 🪶
‘Starling Murmuration’, Daniel Dencescu’s highly commended entry to the Natural History Museum’s Wildlife Photographer of the Year awards: